One of the biggest challenges as an introvert is learning to set boundaries at work. It can be easy to get caught up in people-pleasing or taking on more than we can handle, but it's crucial for our mental well-being to establish clear boundaries.

I mentioned last week that I recently got promoted at work.

That means a new boss.

This new boss, let's call her Wendy, is the exact opposite of me.

She talks fast, loud, and a lot.

Her go-to phrase in the short months I've been her direct report is "let's hop on a call."

I hate it.

Despite being in a small, one-on-one setting, a meeting with your boss daily or multiple times a day is draining, not to mention inefficient.

During the first few calls, I actually barely said anything. A sentence out, then she talks for 5 minutes. Then asks me a question again, which I answer in one word. She then responds with another story that goes on and on.

The worse part? It's a video call!

So imagine me just nodding and smiling along while thinking at the back of my head, "when will this nightmare end?"

Apart from draining my energy, my frustration is building up because I just want to get back to my work.

I could have just sent you a chat or email about X and be done with it.

But, she's my boss so the dynamics are different.

And I know this can't go on and on. I am determined to stop this.

As I'm sure you know, social interactions are draining for us introverts. When it comes to work, there is a certain level of necessary interaction. A lot of times though, unnecessary interactions become the norm.

That's why it's important to set boundaries and protect our energy.

If we constantly say yes to every meeting, project, or task that comes our way, we risk burning out and losing focus on the things that truly matter. We can easily fall down a rabbit hole and lose hours of productivity because we were too afraid to say no.

Over the next few days, I decided to provide updates via Microsoft Teams to Wendy more frequently about the projects I'm working on. By that I mean, short chats that provide real status (not activity):

• The issue from client X is now resolved. It's due to ABC and was a miss by XYZ department. They said they added this in their process document so it won't happen again in the future.
• I wrapped up the report that you requested. I'll send it to you within the hour after I add some more notes to answer the questions you sent.

The idea here is to communicate early and often.

After doing that for a while, when I got the "let's hop on a call" message, my response was:

I purposely said I can't talk right now.

Remember, this is coming from my boss, not a random coworker. The dynamics are different. She has the power to fire me anytime.

That's why it's important to use clear and respectful language when setting boundaries.

Let me tell you, the first time I did this I was nervous.

I was worried about coming across as rude or uncooperative. But to my surprise, Wendy's response was positive and understanding.

Of course, this won't always be the case. There may be times when saying no or setting boundaries is met with resistance or even backlash.

Remember, your boss can override your "no" anytime.

I still attend our regular weekly check-ins. I come prepared and have all my notes with me. During that time, I provide more detailed updates if needed.

But the random "let's hop on a call" has gone down to almost zero.

Now, I'm not sure if this is the same with my colleagues. But for me, this small change has made a huge difference in my energy levels and overall satisfaction at work.

If you're curious to try it out, here's some tips to make it work:

1. Know your boss's communication style: As introverts, we tend to be more reflective and prefer written communication. But if your boss is someone who values face-to-face interaction, try finding a compromise that works for both of you. It's impossible and irresponsible to not attend meetings from your boss—well, unless you want to get fired.
2. Be clear and respectful: When saying no or setting boundaries, make sure to use direct yet polite language. This can help avoid any misunderstandings. Remember, voice and tone often gets lost in written communications (chat or email).
3. Anticipate what your boss wants or needs: One of the reasons why I received so many "let's hop on a call" messages was because my boss didn't have regular updates from me. By anticipating her needs and providing timely and concise updates, she had no reason to request a call.
4. Be consistent: Once you establish boundaries, stick to them. This will show your boss that you are serious and can be relied upon to deliver.
5. Always have a plan B: There may be times when saying no or setting boundaries is not an option. When I pushed back on the meeting request, I purposely used the words "I'm not available right now" which indicates I am available for a chat later on—if needed. If your boss asks, you can then find a time that works for you. Don't worry about aligning schedules. Your boss will definitely let you know if what you proposed doesn't work for them.
6. Let your work speak for itself: My experience is that good performers often are given some leeway. If you are consistently delivering high-quality work and meeting deadlines, your boss is more likely to respect that you're "different" from the rest of the team.
7. Your boss is your boss: At the end of the day, your boss is still your superior and has the final say. It's important to communicate and set boundaries effectively, but also be open to feedback and compromise if necessary. Remember, it's a balance between standing up for yourself and respecting authority.

As introverts, it can be challenging to navigate the workplace where social interactions are often unavoidable. But by setting boundaries, we can protect our energy levels and stay focused on what truly matters in our work.

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Dive Into the Rabbit Hole

• Want more tips on setting boundaries at work? Here, you can find different types of boundaries as well as examples of unhealthy boundaries.
• Learn the science behind why introverts need alone time in this fascinating article. Understand how this one thing affects introverts and extroverts differently and how this affects their interaction with the world around them.
• Not exactly how I would personally use AI, but it's a light take on how introverts can use AI to "improve" their lives while leaning in on their introversion.

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